"Unseen By Millions"

Long Time

2010-04-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well, if there is anyone left who still reads or tries to read my blogs, then I guess that you were wondering the **** I had got to. I have been going through a few difficult times in recent months and my life is going to be very different. Without detail I will be blogging but from all over the world from now on.
Recently I was very fortunate to travel to the US and meet some great magicians. The whole experience was amazing and as a result I am returning again very soon.
I was also asked to perform some Close Up Magic and a Comedy Cabaret for some friends that I met on a cruise ship last year. They were off the ill fated Marco Polo when we sailed to Invergordon and moored there for a week due to the dreaded Virus that broke out. If you go to my very first blog you can read my take on an unusual week!!! The upshot was that I was invited to perform for a lovely couple called Mick and Jan at Micks 102nd birthday party!!!!! It wasn't his 102nd, I exaggerated that bit. 101 actually. Anyway we had a great evening at lower Upnor Sailing Club, near Rochester in Kent on Saturday last, so thanks to you both for the wonderful comments and your continued kind remarks.
Then Sunday I was off down to Romsey in Hampshire to perform as compere for the Associated Wizards Of The South's 100th Convention Gala Show. A great night well attended by around 200 paying members of the audience. A show reel of me performing can be seen by following the link here;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi7Z_wR5vjA

As of Thursday I leave for Bangkok on a cruise then not returning for a while. Don't be shy though and follow my blogs from far flung places. In case I don't see you, Happy Christmas.
Chat soon.

Long Time No Blog

2010-02-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well how long has it been??? I have not written much lately for lots of reasons but mostly I have not done much to warrant the written word!!!!!
I have been generally busy around the farm but on the work front not much happening.I am off to Texas on the 25th to perform and lecture in San Antonio and Dallas and also hopefully pick up a few more along the way. I am really looking forward to trading the English wit with our American friends and sharing some of my own magic ideas.
Like any hobby or job in the creative field it is wonderful how we can talk and show variations on the same theme so lets keep our fingers crossed that it will all work out.
As for the general run of things here, I am selling my Magic Store contents from my online shop as a bulk lot if anyone is interested?? www.markworgan.co.uk/magicstore
I recently did a stock take and not everything is on the list but those items that are represent some very creative thinking from years gone by by many magicians. It is amazing to see just how much magic there is out there. I guess when you stop to think about it, that can be said of many things such as Stamp Collecting, postcards and so on.
When I return from he States I am off to Bangkok to join the Nautica for a 10 day cruise around to Mumbai. That will be my third visit to Mumbai in less than a year!! I will blog that along with the States as and when they happen. In the meantime I will try to blog more frequently but one last word, if anyone would like a pig, we had 15 piglets born on Boxing Day that need homes. Get in contact and I will tell you more.
Bye for now.

Long time No Post

2010-01-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

Well it has been a while since I blogged. Not much going on, had a few shows but not a lot to shout about. Hoping to get 2010 as a year to make it so we will have to see. Lecturing at a few clubs in the UK and hopefully in the States.
I really hope to get a some dates for the States as it is an exciting place to work. I will let you know what happens.
Out of performance, Haiti is devastating. My thoughts and prayers go with everyone. Nature is a wondrous thing both giving and taking away. We live in harmony or do we. Having visited Haiti only to leave to fly home it is a beautiful place and hopefully it will remain so even after this tragedy. What it be like to walk down those streets in a years time and remember. Life will never be the same.

That's Life

2009-12-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

The last two days I have entertained mentally handicapped children and teenagers at PASCO in Chichester. I have experience of entertaining this type of audience before and as in the past it always makes me feel very humble.
They adore the entertainment without question just pure involvement and enjoyment. When I compare these audiences with traditional audiences of children and teenagers without any disability I think to myself, how lucky we all are to be able to lead normal lives. The children at PASCO on the other hand could teach us something very important, humility, and love of life. The life they lead is normal for them but they radiate so much to everyone. Happiness, trust and openness and a joy for all they see and do. They don't ask for much but give so much. It was a pure joy to give something back. Thank you PASCO and have a happy Christmas and wonderful New Year.

Christmas Shows

2009-12-15T11:19:00.000-08:00

Well here we are, well into December and the dreaded Christmas is nearly upon us. I have been surprisingly busy so far with some great shows behind me for grown ups and children alike. There are still plenty to go so I expect I will see and hear the screams of very excited children for a little while yet!!
I had to have my retested last week as I thought they were suffering despite only having them checked and new glasses in January. Well guess what? The had changed and I had to have new glasses, which I picked up today. Yank Hoodness I sid, itherwire I would provsbt be wettng a load of ruddish nos. Layer my grinds.

Christmas Is Coming

2009-12-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

So here we are, 9th December and I am in the UK for the duration, no cruises booked until the New Year. I have already performed several times in recent days with some varying types of shows. They have ranged from nurseries to schools to grown ups. One was a 60th birthday for a person I had performed for on her 5oth.
It was a lovely day, with a nice venue, Sussex Pad, in Shoreham, where I performed Close Up Magic for pre-dinner drinks then around the tables during the meal. Following the meal I performed a Comedy Cabaret, which was very well received. I followed that, straight after on the same day with a trip up to Rudgwick, near Horsham, where I performed a children's show and then some mix and mingle Close Up Magic. The picture is me cooking a day after my long journey back from Santiago.......tired moi!!!!!!??
The next morning I was performing for the Early Birth Association, for whom I have performed for many years. That is a lovely occasion. A giant party with loads of children and their parents plus food and tea and coffee. A good old fashioned Christmas party with a special appearance by Santa!!!
Yesterday I was performing Comedy Cabaret for the Wessex Magical Association, in Poole in Dorset. A lovely crowd for a long journey down and back. Tomorrow I will be performing Close Up magic for the MS Society, for whom I have performed regularly over the years. I always have a great time there so I really looking forward to seeing them all again.
After the show I am getting my eyes tested again as I am suffering with my sight a bit. More on that after the examination. I also took delivery of a new iphone, which I trying to get to grips with as well. Watch this space for more news, Christmas is coming.

???

2009-12-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

I thought today was Wednesday!!!!!!!!! I can not tell you what a blow it is to lose a day when you find out.
It was like my Grandad when he was on holiday. He sent me a postcard, which said, "Having a nice time, where am I?!"

It must be catching, more tomorrow, Friday???

Phew!!

2009-12-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't blogged for a few weeks because I have been away on back to back cruises. First, as I reported, was the wonderful Regent cruise then four days later the Holland and America MS Veendam. This was a seven day trip of which five were on the ship and the other two travelling.
This was an adventure!!! I flew good old BA to Amsterdam then from there to Lima in Peru. A short 6000 mile trip. It started ok with a quick 40 minute flight to Amsterdam and then a two hour lay over there and a connecting flight with KLM to Lima. I was told at Gatwick that my bags would need to be rechecked in Amsterdam so I dutifully went to baggage reclaim to collect them. Nothing came out of the hole where cases come out. S**t I thought and went to the KLM desk to ask if I should expect them as I was connecting to one of their magnificent flying machines. "No," said the desk attendant looking at my luggage labels, "you will pick them up in Lima, be off with you," in a Dutch accent. "Are you sure?" I asked, "yes it says on your labels now go forth and catch your plane!!"
I did that as told and sat for THIRTEEN HOURS on the plane arriving in Lima around 7.00pm completely shattered for some reason even though I did not actually do anything!!
I waited at the luggage carousel for a while and then over the tannoy came, "Mr Worgan please come to the KLM desk, that's Mr Worgan to the KLM desk." I went and was confronted by a disheveled looking man in a KLM uniform who delighted in telling me that my luggage would not be arriving and was still in AMSTERDAM. No apology, no words of comfort just that. Well, we had a discussion about things, man to man. You know the sort of conversation you would have with an uncaring foreigner who has just told you that you are 6000 miles from home, about to join a ship for 5 days and perform two 45 minutes Comedy Cabarets, that you don't have any clothes or props. It was a loud conversation but fruitless. I was told that it would arrive the next day at 6.50pm, which was great considering I was sailing at 5.00pm. I went by cab to the ship where I poured my woes on the reception and Cruise Director staff. They lent me a T shirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms so that I could send the clothes I was wearing to the laundry. Clothes being a shirt, boxer shorts, pair of socks and blue jeans.
Next day I went into Milflores and purchased some underwear and socks so that I could walk about without a strange smell for the next few days. Over the course of the following five days they lent me a dress suit for the formal night and a shirt so that I could perform my show in. Yes, despite no props,I did carry a few items in my carry on so I was able to perform one 50 minute show, which went very well indeed. As for my luggage, I never picked it up until I left the ship, when I arrived at Santiago airport it was waiting for me in Lost Property. A much relieved person was I as 48 hours later I was flying out to Miami to join the beautiful, MS Seabourn Legend.
This cruise left Miami and went for 28 days or so around the Caribbean down the Panama Canal and back to Miami. I was only on for five days but this to became seven!! I did my two shows as scheduled to very appreciative audiences and was due to disembark in Roatan, Honduras. This was all going well except for the day we reached Roatan. It had horizontal rain and no visibility, which meant it closed the airport, which in turn meant I could not fly out. So I stayed on the ship for a further two days, performed another show, this time my comedy Close Up magic and then on the last night a show for the crew. I eventually got off in Costa Rica and flew home from San Jose. Overall, if I was to be stranded anywhere, it was the best place to be, on board the elegant Legend. Only 160 passengers with 12 different nationalities but all very nice and very appreciative of my performances. Despite being two days late I had a great time.
For the rest of this year I am in the UK but hopeful of more dates for the New Year. I will keep up to date with my adventures in the UK over the coming weeks.

Fireworks

2009-11-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

Wow, I am shattered. Since I returned I have not stopped. I have been making repairs to kitchens, fitting kitchens, lining dung houses with plastic, trying to fix leeks and much more.
My lovely daughter has now got a job and we are all over the moon for her. We are sure she will be a great success. Good luck POPS!!
Last night went to a firework party at some friends and spent the evening after the display eating and drinking. It was very nice to be part of their company after being away on and off and not seeing them. I must confess to drinking much too much wine but was in full control; at all times......honest.
I am not sure I like fireworks. What a waste of money. A nice spectacle to watch but all that money literally going up in smoke!!!! Still a few hundred people enjoyed the half hour display so joy was the order of the night. We have a busy week ahead so I will keep the news coming.

Return

2009-11-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well here I am, back again after another cruise around the world. This time I flew out to Abu Dhabi to join the Regent Seven Seas Voyager. This is a lovely ship, a little larger than my usual ships with a capacity of 750 passengers plus crew but on this occasion it had just over 500 in each of the two segments that I sailed in. The first segment saw us sail from Abu Dahbi to Mumbai. We called at Farajah before two sea days to Mumbai. I performed one Comedy Cabaret in this segment on one of the sea days to great success.
The ship was a mix of Americans, Canadians, Brits and a few other nationalities including Mexicans, French and more. All were very friendly and receptive to me and gave me very warm applause which continued into the second segment as well.
Mumbai was my second time around, the first left a very emotional memory and the second an even deeper memory and experience.
On a tour into the back street markets we (passengers and I) saw some terrible sights. So much so I was actually upset. One place was a cow sanctuary where they take any stray cows off the streets and keep them in sheds of a sort to look after them. That was just one side to the sanctuary as on the other there was a man cleaning cow mess off the floor of one of the sheds with bare feet and hands and a small piece of wood. Sitting in the dung!!!!!!
Then on the other side of the courtyard area there was a man cooking some food in two huge pots in the open air. As he stirred the place was swarming with flies from the heat and flies were going into the pot and getting stirred in. Two little girls sitting around were eating sweets and they to had flies buzzing and landing on them around their mouths and eyes and hands etc. It seemed as thought the cows got preference over the people. Outside on the streets were the usual beggars but one of the most upsetting types I have ever seen was a man who literally had no arms or legs just his upper body. He was placed on the road unable to move in strong sunlight and an intense heat. It really sobers the mind!!!!!!! It made me feel so sad!!!!!!!!! Mumbai this time was so different, I still liked it but boy it brings things home. More people should see this and they might change their attitudes to the world. I was very moved by it.
After Mumbai we went to Kochin where Regent had organized a boat race in the countryside between several villages all competing for the Seven seas Trophy. These villagers raced down the river in long boats with 100 men in each. As they raced there were four or five who were standing beating the rhythm of the oar strokes on the boat. It was all very exciting with with two passengers with whom I had sailed with before, over two years ago on another Regent Ship, placing a small $1 wager on the winner. I chose the greens who eventually won. I took an immense $3. All a bit of fun.
Then the ship sailed for the Maldives where I disembarked. Over all I performed two Comedy Cabarets in the Theatre and a Close Up Magic show plus as a panelist in the Liars Club. All very well received. I look forward to performing again on this ship or indeed any of the Regent ships.
I am here for the next week before flying to join a Holland and America ship in Peru. Before then we will still chat.

Back Again

2009-10-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am finally back from the last cruise. I did not post as the internet was slow and I would probably have paid the equivalent of my mortgage to post the daily happenings!!!!!!!!!!
I returned from Barbados in very warm indeed hot conditions to a moist Britain. The cruise was interesting from the point of view playing to a mix of British and German audiences but they were none the less successful shows. Overall the two weeks were an experience some of which can not be shared on line. I am off again on Tuesday to Abu Dahbi sailing via India down to the Maldives on board the Regent Seven Seas Voyager. I will fill in the blanks when I get back.
I can tell nothing has changed here because X Factor is still on as is Strictly. How much longer do we have to suffer these? Unfortunately I am only away for 8 days so I guess for a long time yet.
I did perform at a wedding on Friday in Egham and then Comedy Cabaret at the Southend Sorcerers annual dinner in the evening so at least I got in some practise before jetting off again. I wonder if the 350 F1 Marshalls will be on my flight? I will let you know.
Later friends..........

Day 6

2009-10-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well here we are 6 days into the cruise and I have performed twice or three times if you include the same show second time. First show was a struggle or not actually a struggle but a challenge. You grow from these experiences how ever ;long you have been performing.The Germans came in and then left throughout the show until there were just a few remaining. I had anticipated this but why come in at the start when they were told it was an English Comedian/Magician and the act would be in English. Never mind it is done. Today I performed Close Up Magic in the main lounge, which was a success. Intimate but lots of applause and laughter. I do enjoy the Close Up and the unrehearsed banter. Then afterwards the bar gave me a drink on them, an Irish Coffee, they actually paid for me as they like me. I was very touched.

The seas are rough today so it has been hard keeping up right and the motion has got to a few passengers and crew. I got up and then after an hour laid down again as it makes you very tired. My body obviously needed it as I slept for another 45 minutes. We now have another four days after this at sea, before hitting Antigua. Wish me luck on bumpy seas with a slowly warming audience. I think I am going to be asked to perform a magic workshop on one day so I will keep you posted. Can not seem to work up a real appetite on these seas but I can not last till morning on nothing at all. At least with the bumpy seas we have warm weather, which is probably not the case in the UK right now. Until next time………………..

All At Sea

2009-10-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well here I am on the Marco Polo bound for the Azores. I joined yesterday in Tilbury, that Mecca of the shipping world!!!!! I am staying in a small but comfortable cabin on the Columbus Deck, starboard side. Those that don’t know their starboard from their arft it is on the right hand side and port is on the left.

This is my third visit on the Polo and if you go the very first blog I ever did you can read about my last adventure, which was appropriately called the “Last Cruise.” I say no more than read it….

I am scheduled for two 45 minutes Comedy Cabarets the first of which is this Friday, the same day that the ship reaches the Azores. My only concern it that there 600 guests on board of which 400 are German!!!!!!!!!! I will let you know the outcome of the first show. I have to say that on every other visit to this ship I have superb audiences but they have been 99% Brits so this will be slightly different. We gain an hour tonight and then for a few nights as we travel south. We do have 5 sea days in the Atlantic so that should be an interesting section of the cruise. I will keep you posted as the days arrive but in the meantime be well and keep reading my posts.

West Indies

2009-10-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow I set sail on the Marco Polo heading across the Atlantic to the West Indies. Ports of call include, Antigua, St.Maarten, St. Barts, Tortola, St. Kitts & Nevis, St. Lucia, and home from Barbados. This will be my third trip on the ship o I am hoping the regular staff will be on board. I will be performing my usual 45 minutes comedy cabarets plus hopefully my Close Up Magic Show.
Then on my return I am home for just 4 days before flying off to Abu Dhabi to join the Seven Seas Voyager down to the Maldives. All in all thousands of miles and hopefully thousands of laughs.
As wonderful and as beautiful all these places are, I am there to entertain so that is what I will concentrate on. Give 'em some laughs along the way.
I hope to blog the daily events so keep reading for the updates and wish me luck.

Bark Worst ThanThier Bite?

2009-10-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

I have spent the afternoon sawing logs into burnable sized logs for the impending winter months. Now before we can do that we have to the Flu sorted for the wood burner. The point is, a lot of the wood we have has been harvested from old Leylandi mixed with Ash, Ewe and Hawthorn. The barks are similar in some of the tress especially after they have been left for years to rot some what. Why am I concerned? Well having had the chimney swept, the resin from the Leylandi is notorious for lining the chimney with tar, which is very hard to remove let alone the fire risk. This is why I am trying to group the wood so that only a little of the nasty stuff gets burnt at any time in amongst the good wood. We have also built or cleared an area to use as the log store. Now due to the fact that I am away for the next three weeks the log cover is a tarpaulin............ a nice blue one!!!I went to find a green one but the cheapest was £31. What a rip off. It is staying blue for the time being. Short blog tonight but watch this space for news of the upcoming cruises next week.

Barn Dance

2009-09-09T13:54:00.001-07:00

Today I spent in the barn concreting. We have our pig Mrs P. coming home on Monday and she will be pregnant. We are hoping to make the barn a farrowing section for her when the the time comes. The work is hard but satisfying and hopefully a good way to lose weight...............we will see.
England beat Croatia 5-1 tonight so we are on the way to South Africa, yippie, English football on the up again. Now can we make it to the final? Can you imagine the press and the pressure and the tension across the country. It would be unbearable. Look at poor young Andy Murray who got knocked out of the American open today. The fella in the Times is already questioning whether he has the temperament for the big grand slam. Now I know he is Scottish and therefore British but the pressure they put him under and I think he is only 21 is typical of the media headlines we would face as an English football team. Oh well, let's see, Come On Engerland!!!!
Why do they chant, Engerland? My spell check even knows it's incorrect and that's American!!! I just love the spell checker, especially in the blogger. It wants to invent spellings that don't exist. It is hilaryous!! See.
Well for today that is enough, I am aching from all the mixing and leveling and lifting and general activity.............tomorrow people.

End Of An Era

2009-09-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today we attended the fumeral of a long time magician acquaintance. I don't enjoy fumerals but then who does. You are saying goodbye for the last time to a friend or a loved one. Having said that you are not really saying goodbye because they are not siting there in front of you and they will see you or hear you say those goodbyes. Unless you believe in life after death of course, which I think I do but that is for another day maybe soon. The point is attending a funeral of some one you know, who you could have seen before their death is or does make me feel ashamed. Attending the funeral today I was there to pay my respects to Brian whom I could have gone to see but did not. I guess I was there to say sorry as much as goodbye.
Having said that it was a joyful goodbye as Brian had written, and planned the whole thing. No hymns, just his choice of music and songs plus two poems an eulogy and two remembrances from family and friends. I would like to share one of those poems with you here as it is a lovely poem and very thought inducing. With Brian's blessing from where ever he is;

When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me,
I want no tears in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a sole set free?

Miss me a little - But not for long
And not with you head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me - But let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take,
And each must go alone,
It's all part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to your friends that we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good works,
Miss me - but let me go.

God Bless BRIAN R.I.P.

Picnic

2009-08-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

Well today we were supposed to be having a picnic in the Park with friends but as it was a bank holiday Sunday the weather was typically cold and damp. So we ended up indoors for an impromptu lunch which as it turned out was very pleasant indeed. There is a theory I heard or read or both that we are in the throws of global warming.............well looking out of the window and counting the number of goose bumps on me I would say it is still some way off. Tonight when I went outside to lock the chickens up, in shorts and casual shirt, which was odd for chickens I thought, it was cold and damp and dark at 8.30pm, it felt very Autumn like.
The sad thing is that this is the last Bank Holiday of the year. No more freebies until Christmas. At least we can have some nuts then. I hate nuts, well not all nuts, mainly Walnuts. I don't know why I mention this but it came to me thinking of Christmas. In a few days time it will be September, ninth months of the year, my birthday on Sunday next by the way. Send a card if you wish! Nine months and three left to Christmas.2009 is going so fast, when we look back what we will think about it? I will look back on the last day and reflect then, until that day, onwards and upwards. The sky is the limit...........the world is my lobster or something like that.
A last thought for Sunday, I read in the Mail on Sunday that on the 7th September, day after my birthday, there is a new book being published by a chap called Dr. Robert Holden, entitled, Be Happy. He is a psychologist and has riten this book on the "path to a contented existence" I give you one line from the exert they published, and I quote, (You Magazine, Mail On Sunday)
Want to if you're really happy? Ask, "How happy am I today!"
Think about it and give me your thoughts......... BFN

Trust

2009-08-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the day after the night before when we saw our good friends Paul and Judy. They arrived in their motor home and stayed the night in the motor home despite the offer of a comfy bed for the night. Strange people.............What a night, how much whiskey is it safe to consume over 6 six hours? Not too much is the answer otherwise you finf yourself singing or in my case shouting out of tune to Karaoke DVD's. Lucky we live in the countryside that's all I can say.
Now because we had friends staying on our drive we thought we would leave the back door unlocked for them in case they wanrted to come in for the loo in comfort or something, so we went to bed knowing that a door was unlocked. I would never do thos but that was the trust of the neighborhood.
So while on the trust route we decided today to meet them in the beautiful grounds of Chartwell House in Kent to have lunch in their motor home and then go round the house and gardens. Those who don't know Chartwell should make the effort to visit. It is a National TRUST property, which was the former home of Winston Churchill. Probably the greatest Prime Minister we have ever had. To see the house and the rooms there in, still with his and Clemmies belongings is just fascinating and then visit his painting studio to see his works plus the beautiful gardens makes for a lovely afternoon out. This was our second visit and just as good, if not better as you see more the second time.
On a totally different point, typing the word, property is great because once you have typed PROP the erty are all in a line from e to y so it is a nice wrod to type. How many other words are there like that on the keyboard?

Enter Here

2009-08-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

My enter button is playing up. For example if I push it now, this happens....nothing. I should have gone to a new line.
It did it this time, very annoying. I have looked at the computer keyboard and it is the most important button. Without it you go nowhere. Well if you don't include the left click button.
I pushed it again then and again but the second time you did not see it because I stayed on the same
line as the first time so in fact you had now idea I had pushed it at all so unless I tell you I should have been or should be on a new line
you won't know. See it worked that time, blooming thing. Except I should be on the line above but beggars can not be choosers!!! There must be something stuck under it. A piece of toast or a sweet or something. That's the trouble with laptops you work anywhere and everywhere with them. I even use mine as a dinner tray for when we are having a family meal in front of the telly. How many of you lay the table every night then? Well this is a short but sweet blog, cheer up very one, at least your enter button is working!!!!!!!!!!!

Tangled Webs

2009-08-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

Guess what? It is up and running at last. The new Mark Worgan website is now live, unlike me who is shattered after a week of late nights building and screaming and swearing at the computer whilst trying to build it. Check it out, www.markworgan.co.uk and let me know what you think? It is strange that we can have a website, say whatever we like and then send it all around the world. That is advertising. Going direct into peoples homes, offices, cars, phones, almost every where. I love the i phone. I don't have one but the concept intrigues me. Most people have a phone about their person most of the time. It is kinda weird to think that as a complete unknown you could be sitting parked in the phone waiting to be released and into the face of the owner. To think that we can be everywhere for what is virtually nothing is an amazing concept. Trouble is, does anyone actually want you when you are there?
Then there is Facebook. What an incredible social networking site that is. I have become a little obsesssed with Farmville lately. You run your own farm and get points the more money you make which in turn allows you to but more things and expend your farm. You plant your veg and fruit, manage your animals. Hang on, I do that already only not for any points or money. Can I transfer my success on Farmville to real life. In around two weeks I have a profit of £16,000. The virtual world is truly fantasy. If only we can turn our web fantasies into reality some times

Openings

2009-08-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

You know I hate it when you make the effort to call some one then they don't call you back!! Even if there is nothing to say, just go through the courtesy of ringing to say well, "good to catch up bye for now," or some thing. Not to call is just rude.........grrrrr!
Thats that out the way. I have been busy building da door for my mothers bungalow. The door goes from her porch to her garden at the rear. The last one was so rotten you could actually put your finger into the wood. I built the door on Monday, undercoated Tuesday, left it today and will gloss it tomorrow..............job done. She had a quote from some one for £300-400, I did it for £90!!! At least I have had one opening this week. I am about to launch, hopefully tonight, my new website. I hope it goes ok, I am very pleased with what I have built. Fingers crossed for me people.
Have you noticed the amount of wasps there are about. Some are beyond wasps and have mutated into monster wasps nearly two inches long and looking like they mean business. We have a fig tree outside the office and a fully laden plum tree in the veg patch. With the fruits ripening the wasps are everywhere, I am scared to go past them. There was a report on the news the other day about a farmer who had been stung to death by wasps. Not risking that!! We also collected four truck loads of 30 year old wood from our neighbor up the road a way. All I have to do now is sort the rubbish wood and cut it up.
Well that's it for the moment.....later

Ashes To Ashes

2009-08-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

Yeppie, we won the ASHES again. Twice in four years, take that you Aussies!!!! Well done to the English cricket team, you did well lads, now for the One day series.
As for me, I am off to fit a new back door in my mothers bungalow. As it is an outside door I hope the rain keeps off. Looking a bit overcast so fingers crossed.
I spent the bulk of yesterday spraying the thistles in the field. Living in the country you have a duty to keep them under control otherwise they take over. Shame that can not be said of many things in life...............Imagine a spray that could take care of obstacles in life. What would you use it on? I also have to look out a part for Plop our farm 2x4. I miss not being able to run around the place on it and loading all the bits that need shifting from place to place. Well this is a short morning blog so I will sign off and write more later. In the meantime, have a good day.

Week ends

2009-08-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

Where do the week days go? Where do the weekends go? Where does life go? 22nd August and we know that Summer is nearly over. The days are getting shorter, the nights colder, and X Factor is back on the television!!!! I can not stand X Factor. It goes on too long. I think that the British public love to watch crap. We are very lucky that as a race we are able to laugh at ourselves and have the p**s taken out of us and still be happy. There are not many nations around the world that can do that.
I still can not beleive that the programme comes back year after year. One or two people will get so called fame.what ever that is and lets face it, fame is really money at the end of the day. The real money of course will go to Simon Cowell presumably. Does the world really need another Boy Band, Girl Band, singer in general? I see groups and individuals all the time as I travel the world on ships entertaining and none apart from a few have ever been anybody before. They are however much better than those who apparently make it. Isn't it a terrible turn of phrase, "been anybody before!" they are some one now but that is what fame ultimately does for you. Once you get to be less and less in the public eye your "fame"diminishes and the term, "a nobody," starts to get used. It is almost as if we are wiping the planet of that person. What a terrible thing fame can be. That is why I remain "Unseen By Millions." I could still do with the money however!!!!!!!!!
So my friends, that is why I placed a gap in the title, week end is what X factor brings for me to the end of a week. Later all................

WWW.

2009-08-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

WWW. stands for, Where was Wednesday? My last post was the 17th August, which as I look at my watch tells me it was 3 days ago. Well I can account for the 18th as I was busy around the Farm then in the evening I started putting a new web building programme onto the computers, which inevitably lead to trying it out. Well that meant sitting in front of the computer until 1.30am in the morning because you get caught in the World Wide Time Warp. Then Wednesday once again sitting all day in front of the computer trying to get to grips with the programme and starting to build my new website. Website by the way is one word not two, please spell checkers get a grip!!!!!!! So where was Wednesday? One of the hottest days of the year, blue sky, sun, a gorgeous late summers day. Apparently??
The computer is the worst sponge for time and place and moment. It is all too easy to get sucked in to it's bewitching spell and grip. I don't know what it is but it is so mind concentrating yet so easy on the eye in as much that you watch the screen, which you are constantly in control of, changing it's appearance with story or picture or movie or something and almost hypnotising yourself away from real time. After a whole day at the computer we were treated by our good friends Steve and Linda, those of the "Last Cruise," fame to a meal and a few pints of the beautiful Harvey's bitter in the lovely Halfway House Pub, in the evening. Thanks guys, real life savers.XX
Today, was a put a new cooker handle on the cooker in our property in Guildford and then two shows at the fabulous Fishers Farm. 104 miles round trip. Now I am back at the computer after Claire and I have changed the position of the chickens' run and feeding the piggies. At least today I saw the outside world. It still exists, warts and all. As for the new website, it is still in the making but getting close to a finished first crack. I will upload it and I will be making it better but I will also be happy when it is over...........!!!!!!!!!
In past blogs I have moaned about the slow work front and I was looking for the opening to get the ball rolling. Well the opening arrived. I am going to put a new outside door and frame in my mothers bungalow, building it from scratch due to the size. That certainly is an openng but to be honest not what I had in mind!!!!!!

Fly Strike

2009-08-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a catch up day. Get some bits done around the farm plus do the food shopping and get the low down on a new web site making programme which is in the post to me.
Our lovely retired vet neighbour came around this evening to spray the sheep with Click to prevent Fly Strike. It is very necessary, after all would you want maggots on your backside??
We then all had a nice meal, which was......roast lamb!! Be assured it was not one that we had just sprayed!!!!
Tomorrow I will finish the bathroom decorations from last week. I hope. I wrongly said that Jennifer Ennis won gold last night for Britain in the Heptathlon. It was in fact Jessica Ennis, sorry Jessica!
Well I guess a bathroom in Brighton will have to do rather than Vegas!!!!!!!!!!

GOLD

2009-08-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am close to tears for a few reasons......I must get some new boxer shorts!
Jennifer Ennis has just won a gold in the Heptathlon in the World Championships. A Brit is number one. A fantastic performance and a hot looking lady as well. Well done!!!
I spent today cleaning out the and organising the workshop, dirty, smelly and covered in cobwebs.............but I good to the kids!!!!!!!!!!!! How do we accumulate so much crap? Is there a crap monster that sneaks in under the cover of darkness and over a period of time drops crap everywhere but secretly adding it to stuff so that when we sort it out we discover things that we know we never had in the first place?
I think I am going to set up CCTV and watch for this magic monster. Well it is 9.00pm on Sunday evening, I have just finished cooking dinner and then washing up and finishing my last bottle of wine. I am not going to have an more alcohol for two weeks and see what difference it makes. Last time I did it for nearly two months and lost three days.........actually lost quite a lot of weight. I will keep you posted.
Going to put the chickens away and watch the Full Monty. Who knows I might be a Chippendale yet.

An Ouefs an ouef

2009-08-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

If I could recommend one thing, it would be NOT to drop a half a dozen eggs in the back of your car on a warm day. I did not do this but good old Derek did just as he was about to leave from a hard day fitting a new bathroom with me...........It was not funny..well not too funny!!! Sorry Derek your a good man and a fine cousin.
I must admit I will be glad when we can finish the job in hand and tomorrow should see it done. Had a nice meal with our dear friends Paul and Judy tonight in their new motor home on a camp site in Alfriston. Lovely evening but I refer you to a previous Blog about travel homes. Theirs is actually great and I look forward to a few more dinners in it with them.
A very short blog today as I have been busy both in the day and tonight but longer ramblings over the weekend.

Getting Plastered

2009-08-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Old houses are notorious for problems and surprises. Today we took the old bath from the bathroom in one of our houses and discovered that the owner befoes had made a few bodged repairs in the past. On pulling tiles off the wall we also pulled at the same time the layer of tiles behind it plus the sheets of ply wood on which the top tiles had been stuck. It was no wonder we had a problem with water getting behind everything. Hopefully by re-plastering and retiling and a new bath we will no longer get the problems from before..... Nothing is simple when you want it to be.

Hopefully there will be another reason to get plastered after today. Claire went for a second interview for a job today, so we hope a good result is forthcoming. Watch this space.

All I need now is to get some dates for some future work to come through and it will be a productive week all round. Once again, watch this space.

One more thing, why does fruit go off so quickly. We purchased some lemons from a well known supermarket, no names but every little helps, just a few days ago. Having used two there is one left but another one has already started to turn, with a lovely coat of fungi beging to grow. Yummy!!!!

Well this a short blog as I am very tired after an exhausting day. More tomorrow.

Holland 2 England 2

2009-08-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

Friendlies are useful because the manager can sort the wheat from the chaff. But come on. If he does not know know then he won't ever know. The beginning of the season, players still not fit, managers of the clubs where our players actually earn their money chewing finger nails hoping they don't get an injury. June 10th 2010 is the start of the world cup, which unless something unbelievable happens we will be in but right now he should have the team that will play in those games chosen and in the bag. Maybe Fabio has already played that team, I hope so because games are running out and I hear on the grapevine that we are fourth favourites to win!!!!!!!!!! No pressure then.

To be absolutely honest I am bored with football. I can not believe it. I have grown up watching, playing and enthusing over all my life but just recently I have grown away from it. I am sure the World Cup will bring it back.

What will the next 10 months bring in the meanime. Hopefully, travel with work attached and especially seeing dear friends again. Perhaps a change of career or a move or something bigger. Who knows? Keep watching this blog and be a part of ther future with me.

210,000 KMH

2009-08-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well tonight was the peak of the meteor shower.........if that was the peak then I am glad I missed it up to now. In an hour after sitting in the field and then the garden we saw about a dozen. They apparently travel at 210,000 Kmh. Admittedly some were quite spectacular but the majority bearly visible. I now have a stiff neck, and a headache but what a nice way to end an evening. Space fills me with wonder and awe and always gets me thinking deeply. Here we are on this little planet of ours and up above us are hundreds of billions of stars or planets or who knows what.

Down on earth we have so many things that we consider to be problems but in the great scheme of things why worry. Out there somewhere is who knows what and that is bigger than any of us could imagine. It could be good, it could be bad but one thing for certain is that it is unknown and that is a huge thing we should worry about because that might be our saviour or our........ You know it is being so cheerful that keeps me going.

Women's hair...us fellas go to the Barber we sit for 20 minutes, we chat to the barber, he cuts, shows us the back of our head and we get up, pay £9 0r say $15 and leave. Women have to plan a whole day around a visit to the hairdresser. Wash, cut, style, dry, coffee, gossip, text, email, just to name a few things that must be taken into consideration. Then the bill, I guess but without a colour say £30-£45 or $40-$60. Then, they are never really satisfied and they ask you what you think.The most terrifying part of their whole hairdressing experience but not for them, you. What ever you say they won't believe you so do us all a favour ladies. DON'T ASK and if you do, accept what we say........you look beautiful. We mean it!!

Basil Brush

2009-08-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

I did a show today at the wonderful Fishers Farm Theatre and after my first show a member of the audience came onto the stage and said to me that I should be on the Basil Brush Show, as I would make a fortune. For those of you in far flung places who have never heard of Basil Brush, he is a puppet character who is a Fox and that has been around since I was a little boy........... and that is a looooong time ago. Why I tell you this momentous piece of useless information is that it was a rather strange thing to say to me. Admittedly he has his own television show, yes a puppet with his own tv show but how do I fit in?

Of all the things I could appear on, the Basil Brush Show would be the last I would expect. It is also rather funny as all in the audience were introduced to me as Magic Rabbit!! Now everyone knows the natural enemy of the rabbit is the fox..........hang on, it was not a compliment was it? Duh! Or was it? You decide.

I am back there again tomorrow so I will see if there is anything waiting for me, perhaps it will be a television contract..................................

On another tack, Sandra Bullock, nothing else to say really!!!!!!

Day After Day

2009-08-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

It was nice to see my daughter unwind with her friends and enjoy a few drinks, chat, laugh and believe it or not play "Articulate!!" They are a very civilized bunch, a good bunch who should go on to make good futures.

After all good get together is the inevitable clear up. Marque, food, BBQ, bottles, bedding, general rubbish, plus the washing up etc. That's all taken care of and now it is evening and hopefully a peaceful run into a new week.

I have friends all over the world, some away themselves, others at home. It is amazing the contacts we make and the people we touch. We all lead our lives and we communicate mainly via email or on the odd occasion, telephone. It is strange to think that here I am in my life, they in theirs, yet we all share thoughts, stories and more as if we are next to one another. It is a shame we can not be in each others company however, there is no substitute for face to face. That is why I was so pleased to see Claire enjoy the real company of friends instead of, Facebook, MSN or whatever media it is they choose.

So to all my friends all over the world, Cyndi, David, Joe, Pierre, Bob, Jerry, Roberta, Joel, Linda, John, Lilly, Chris, Steve, Linda again, Paul, Judy, Peter, Pat, Phillip, Janine, Dave, Linda, for the third time, Lesley, Minas, Bob, Julie, and the many others, to name but a few, I am thinking of you and one day perhaps soon we can meet up again.

22

2009-08-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the weather finally came good on Claire's birthday for once. 9 friends from Uni came down to spend the afternoon and 5 are staying over. We have cooked on the BBQ for the first time in two years, well certainly since we have been at the Farm anyway.

I don't think I had any parties for my 22nd. In fact I was married when I was 22. Blimey, how times change.

All she needs now is a job. Fingers crossed for the future.

Our friends picked up their Motor Home today and are off for the weekend on it's maiden journey in the New Forest. I hope they have a good time. I am not sure that travelling around in a motor home is my cup of tea but each to their own. I do look forward to spending some time with them though. It might grow on me. The freedom sounds nice so that is certainly one large thing in it's favour.

I spend a lot of time travelling the world on cruise ships and so the aspect of seeing new places is definitely something to get excited about. The difference is that I get taken and the thought that I would have to drive myself is what really puts me off. Then again, I should try before I dismiss it. Later......

August Rain

2009-08-07T03:25:00.001-07:00

I decided to write an early blog as it is 11.oo am and raining!! Have a lot to do around the garden and farm but the weather is doing it's best to stop it or slow it down. I don't mind getting wet but it is not pleasant and besides that, the tools get ruined. If any one in the States is reading this then please can you send us some of your daylight savings as we could add it to August and perhaps get a little time to do the bits we are being forced to put off!!!

I did not mention yesterday about the lose of our last surviving WW1 soldier. 111 years old. As an age that is remarkable let alone what he fought through and survived. It has got me thinking, do I want to live to be 100. Answer as I sit here looking out at the rain, not much work in the diary, the phone not ringing despite being proactive, NO. If I think what Harry saw in his lifetime. Cars, television, electricity, computers, space, to mention just a few, will I see this the amount of invention and change that he did. It seems not but at my tender age of 47 I have seen man land on the moon, computers become an everyday household necessity, mobile telephones, jet planes, alternative energy, cures for illness's, medical advancement such as Heart Transplants and other organs again to name a few. These things I think we all take for granted, the common factor still remains however. We are making weapons with which to kill each other or destroy whole countries and ultimately the world. Is that progress???

Quantative Easing

2009-08-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well now.....£50,000,000,000 of "Quantitative Easing," that would water my hole!!!! But having seen the Express headlines, House Prices increasing etc. I can not fail to be amazed by everything we in this country try to do. Just how many headless chickens are there in the city and whom is slaughtering them but not finishing the job????

The Bank of England inject another tranche of money into government bonds, and I think we are only over the prescribed amount by some £100,000,000, to induce banks in general to pass it on. Well if the banks actually did that, then it might make a difference. As far as I can see the banks rub their hands with glee saying, "Money, money, money all for us!!!!" If businesses and borrowers were allowed any then perhaps the economy might stand a chance of turning. No one expects it to change over night but just how long will we have to wait before the banks start giving out what is being given to them? Oi, what about us? It would be a damned sight better if the BOE just gave every tax payer a hand out of so much....perhaps £10/£20K with the proviso that we use it to clear debt or even pay the mortgage for a year/six months or something. At least the money would actually get into the system and then we might see some "Quantitative Bloody Easing!!!"

Talking of easing, (or in this case getting it in!!) you might recall our pig, Mrs P. who has gone to Fishers Farm, to spend some time with Russell for a good time. Well I saw her today and I was told, not by Mrs P. but by staff that some heavy sex had taken place, judging by the noises coming from the pen. Go on my son, make me a daddy, so to speak!!

That really is quantitative easing. Create an opening and make it work, giving life as an ultimate goal. Deep but there is a tenuous link there somewhere?

I stood on stage today and looked out into the blackness and thought about the money that was now in the system, supposedly, and then also thought of Mrs. P. Life is better than money. Creating life is the most wonderful gift we have. Life however, needs money to survive and that is sad but true. Money will buy us food clothe our backs but it will also bring us down. The really sad thing is that there is no substitute for money otherwise we could live without it and with each other instead.

Lend us a fiver!!!!!!!

Moving Boundaries

2009-08-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Electric fencing is a wonderful thing, unless your a fox or a hedgehog perhaps. We moved the fence around our chickens in the field this afternoon and they really seem to appreciate the effort. Fresh grass and new views.

One of our chickens flys over the fence and wonders around to the house cluckin loudly to attract our attention. We think she is the messenger for the flock to come and get us, so that we can feed them. She allows us to pick her up, carry her back cooing all the time. A most strange chicken!!!!!!!

4 Billion pounds in losses. We own collectively as a country, the ordinary person, 43% of Lloyds Banking group so will I get my hard earned cash back as a tax payer? I was not asked to pay in to it and now I own part of a bank in debt, well more debt than it was before I was volunteered as a share holder!!!!!!! They talk about reckless lending that put the banks into trouble in the first place but what about the reckless investments made on my behalf? Times are tough enough without adding to the burden. The boubaries were supposed to have been shored up by government intervention but it seems to me that they have been dismantled and moved further away but reserected from tissue paper. If the rain keeps up and the wind blows the wals will come down completely and then what????

As I write this Terminator 2 is on the television, the end of the world is nigh save for Arnie. I wonder if he wishes to run for Prime Minister???!!!

Danger Man

2009-08-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

Today I took my life in my hands. I spent the afternoon cutting back the roadside hedge while traffic came past me at 70 mph plus. It would appear that a man standing on a narrow verge with a hedge cutter in his hands wearing a fluorescent jacket is not enough to slow down the idiots. In fact it would seem that it is not enough to move away from the road edge a few feet, so that the draft of racing cars drags you dangerously close to the road. Why do we drive so fast? Life is short enough, don't try to make it even shorter, or even some one Else's!!!!!!
I am not a fan of speed cameras but I would love one outside our drive.......stop the speed demons, if only to save my life and those of my family.
Well I am beat for the day so a short blog. a new day beckons tomorrow, what will it bring?

Birthday Magic

2009-08-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

My Little girl was 22 today.........22!! Does that make me feel old? My favourite little girl all grown up. We went for a Chinese tonight which was lovely, a good time. Happy Birthday Pops.

I can remember when I used to perform magic shows for her and now the magic is made from other things not Dad doing his Magic Rabbit Show. Oh well life moves on.

Having just completed a busy weekend in Yorkshire, it was a strange day today, increasing the height of the walls on the Well outside our front door. We think the Well is probably as old as the house, around 500 years, so it is nice to see it become a feature.

I forgot to say yesterday about the Comedy Cabaret I performed on Saturday. I did over an hour of comedy and magic which was a mix of my two shows although I did more of the stand up comedy within the time. I was particularly pleased with the timing on Saturday. It clicked so well and the presentation of a new trick was very satisfying. Bearing in mind I was performing to a Yorkshire audience and there is a divide between North and South and the humour we share I feel as though I have finally cracked it after 20 years in the business!!!!!!!!

My DVD was filmed at a theatre in front of a live audience and that night was a special night but I would have loved to have filmed the show on Saturday. There is nothing greater than 173 people laughing and you making them laugh. Forget drugs and alcohol.

If you want to see my DVD, contact me on http://www.markworgan.co.uk/.

Yorkshire Day

2009-08-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

Well I have just had a great two day in Yorkshire experiencing Yorkshire Hospitality and good humour.

I was a little anxious about a Southerner going up north to entertain the cloth cap brigade but I need not have worried. My Hosts, Peter and Pat were just perfect and their good friends and past acquaintances of mine, Janine and Phillip were lovely. They are great people and I can not wait to see them again, either here or on a cruise.

The function itself was a fantastic success and I think raised around £2000 for charities. the Calender Girls were hilarious telling stories of the formation of the group and the amazing life that has come from it amid a tragic core. Angela was a true professional speaker now having presented at countless dinners etc around the country and indeed the world. Good on you girls, over £2000,000 raised so far and more to come.

As for my magic and comedy cabaret well I received one of the best reactions ever. The Yorkshire folk love a laugh and it was a real buzz to get 173 people roaring with laughter. The best thing about their humour is their ability to laugh at almost anything and that is a special gift in life, especially in current times. All in all it was a very successful event for everyone, well done to Wetherby Rotary and it's committee I hope the total rises before the end.

The journey to and fro was the only downside. Why is Yorkshire so far away? Over 5 hours going up but 4 hours 30 coming back. Well it's down hill coming back so slightly quicker. The M1 is the longest, most boring, slowest road in England, surely. You can not relax with idiots left and right and behind and in front. I could hardly concentrate on my crossword and Suduko!!!!!!!!

Well I am off now to perform at a christening aving been nhome for two hours. I am looking froward to sleep tonight but not before some more blog me thinks...........

Miles

2009-07-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well in the last two days I have covered hundreds of miles from East Sussex to Bicester in Oxfordshire and back, then West Sussex twice plus a lecture and two shows in between. Late night or early morning should I say and then tomorrow a long drive to Yorkshire. Please let the motorways be clear.

I am looking forward to Yorkshire, a charity show with the Calender Girls appearing as well as Shepherds Brass Band. Long drive but a worthy cause. I love the northern humour and the open attitude of calling a spade a spade. A softy southerner going to deliver laughs to t'northerners. I will let you know how it all goes. I hope we have a great night and raise a lot of money.

It Makes Me Angry

2009-07-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

The story so far. Claire studies for three years and gets a degree. She then decides to do a Masters. She is now at the final stage no longer at Uni, living at home, no income and anxiously seeking employment to reward her years of study.

While she is seeking work she has reluctantly decided to sign on for a Job Seekers Allowance. I say reluctantly because she wants to work not be supported. Now I might be biased but here she is a hard working individual who genuinely wants a job and not to be a burden on the state. However, she has to jump through hoops, answer tons of questions, justify her previous years of study and account for them and even then she may not be eligible for the allowance. It could take up to 3/4 more weeks before she could even get the allowance that is if they allow it. How does a 22 year old live with no income. What does an honest person have to do to get assistance from the state, some one who will get employment and who will be paying back into the state.

I am so angry that there are some who do nothing, want to do nothing and will continue to do nothing, yet will always get the handouts. Come on, get some perspective in the system. GRRR!!

Who's Bright Idea???

2009-07-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well Mrs P has gone off to Fishers Farm to play with Russell. He seems like a nice prospective father, reasonable manners, nice house, good prospects!! We will see if Mrs P. takes to him. I love Fishers Farm. The staff are fantastic, the owners wonderful and the whole park is a joy to be in and around. It is no wonder it has won attraction of the year a few times. Well done every one there.

The journey over to West Sussex was smooth with no traffic to speak of and we made good time. The unload went very easily, mainly due to the willingness of Mrs P, who seemed quite happy to be placed in a new environment. I bet she is in her element now with all the attention, she loves people and a fuss. we will miss her chatting to us in her paddock but she wont be away too long. The journey back was a different story. For today only, West Sussex Highways had decided to do essential repairs as they see them to a small bridge which has to be crossed on the A272 just before the turn off to Fishers Farm. It meant that on the return journey we were diverted by some 4/5 miles in the wrong direction before we could turn to the right direction. It also meant that the whole journey home had to take a different route as a consequence. Well we did not mind too much the inconvenience but just we got close to the final leg of our trip home there was what looked like a nasty accident ahead which had only just happened. Police turned up, Ambulance and Fire Brigade. This meant we were diverted again and this time a journey north to go east. All in all it added another 24 miles to our journey which meant we had an all round trip of nearly 90 miles. Obviously we wish the victims of the accident well and a speedy recovery but as for the Highways? Why pick daytime to work on a main road that is constantly busy in daylight hours? Why not do it at night. Think of the extra pollution from vehicles forced to use the diversions, let alone the time wasted by the extra journey.

Back home now and dodging showers while I clean the trailor. Oh for a warmer climate, somewhere like Texas. I bet I could go for days and never see a road there in open. I hate driving. 30 years this year I have been driving. Over the last ten years I have grown to hate the thought of geting in a car and battling for a space on the road. When I become famous.............

Letting Off Steam

2009-07-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

Where we live there is every year a Steam Rally. It runs over two days of a weekend and this weekend was the one chosen for this year. It means that for about four days you can see and hear and smell steam engines trundling up and down. The smell is quite unique, the steam and the smoke combined means you either like it or don't like it. Personally I don't like it. When the weather is pleasant we have doors and windows open and the smell of the engines seems to linger for a long time.

Well we got the trailer ready for Mrs P tonight. Hopefully she will enjoy her time at Fishers Farm, we will see. If some one said, Mark you are going to stay with a woman for a few weeks enjoy yourself, I think I might like it but then I am the fella, Mrs P is the woman so to speak in this instance so lets hope she is ok with it. Animals do what comes naturally so it should all be ok.

Watching the swimming in Rome I am fascinated by the range of swimming costumes. I would think bikinis would be a hindrance but it could improve the viewing figures!!! Britain are doing so well, I am very proud to see our guys giving to the rest of the world. All look good for 2012, bring it on. Well done Britian.

I have an interesting week this week work wise so watch the blogs for news and reports. Until later.....

Mind Numbing

2009-07-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

Well Saturday was like the old Saturdays. two children's parties, one in Horsham the other in Brighton. delightful children, nice parents. Tonight we did something we have not done fora long time and found the playstation and played Guitar Hero and other mind numbing games. It made a nice change, thinking about nothing.

Also had to dispatch a chicken when I got home as it was very poorly. I hate doing it but there was no helping it. They are such lovely birds, very friendly and extremely clever. Believe it or not, every day at about 5/5.30pm one chicken will fly the electric poultry netting and come to the house and ask for us to feed them. It is as if she is sent to get us!! We will pick her up while she coos away and go and get the corn, then take it to the chickens. All the time the lone chicken will sit happily under our arm until we place her back with the other chickens.

Then there is Mrs P our wonderful Saddleback Sow pig. We are hoping she will go off on Monday to have a date with Russell the boar pig at Fishers Farm, for a little lovin and make soem little piggies. Watch this space for news.

Well Saturday is drawing to a close so I will finish for now but more tomorrow.....

Rain Rain Go Away

2009-07-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

Here we are, the end of another week. Near the end of July and the start of the summer holidays for children and teachers. I remember those days when we broke up from school, the last day being the bring games in day and do nothing but play. How they could allow us to do nothing for a day like that always used to beat me.

If I ever took a day off for illness, which by the way I hardly ever did as I was a good little boy, then I would be made to sit the Spanish Inquisition as to why I had missed a days school. I would need to bring in a note, in triplicate, from a parent to say why young Worgan was not in school. Well playing games for the day was tantamount to the same thing in my opinion. The only difference was that I was actually in school rather than out but even though I was there I was still doing nothing so I might as WELL HAVE BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL!!!

Still here we are the start of six or seven weeks holidays for the little lovelies and now is the time parents start to realise that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Yes we can clothe them, feed them, give them security but can we entertain them? Can we keep them occupied for an hour, a day, a week or what? Six/seven weeks??!!! Call in all the favours from grandparents, neighbours, uncles and aunts, the child catcher, who ever is available to help with the desparate times ahead.

You could always buy my book: "The Secrets Of Entertaining Children" the most comprehensive guide on how to be a children's entertainer you could wish to buy. Visit www.markworgan.co.uk and ask me more. That was a huge plug by the way. I am going out to do another show at Fishers Farm now so more later.

Put To Pig

2009-07-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well today started like it was going to rain but now the clouds are white and fluffy and the sun is out. A bit of a breeze but warm so jolly good and all that!!

I have just returned from a show at the Fishers Farm Theater in West Sussex. I love it there. The theatre is nothing magnificent but somehow a wonderful place to perform and the shows are always great fun to do. http://www.fishersfarmpark.co.uk/ visit it if you can, lots for all the family young and old. They are also celebrating because there beautiful Gloucestershire Old Spot sow has given berth to 12 lovely piglets..........sweet.........cute and all that other slushy stuff!!! Our pig, Mrs P is due to go into season now and we want her to get served, not with a cup of tea, or a tennis ball, DUH!! no, you know, get jiggy with a boar. No that is not sleep with a member of parliament either.

A pig will come into season every 17 days, and the gestation period is 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, 3 hours and 3 minutes. I made the 3 hours/3 minutes bit up but the rest is true. Imagine being in season every 17 days. Imagine knowing a female who wanted........every 17 days!!!!!!!

Well it is about time for me to feed the beasts now so I will write again......sausages for tea!!

Drains

2009-07-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

Well I started the day with a show for a pre-school, which I have been a regular performer at for it must be 7/8 years. The children at 3/4 years old are sometimes totally believing of magic. It is wonderful to watch them look in amazement when magic happens, then they get older that belief becomes scepticism, which in turn leads to total disbelief and a game of catch the magician out, which lasts into adulthood.

I love to amaze as well as entertain and make people laugh and the audience that enjoys the spectacle and the entertainment are just wonderful. It is the audience that feels they have a right to mock or try to get one over on the performer that makes the job unbearable sometimes. Still that is also part of the challenge. I have been very fortunate over the years as a professonal to have wroked to audiences all over the world and in that time received truly fanatstic ovations in all languages. I have also received less favourable ovations in all languages as well but we won't dwell on those!!

Why the title drains then. Well I have spent the last hour with our neighbour trying to help unblock her drains. We used my rods and her mans rods and between us managed to clear it so that the water runs away enough. Dirty, smelly, coverd in sludge but she is a good neighbour!!!!!!!!! Don't tell her I said that!!

So where is the link to drains in my opening diatribe. Well, audiences who want to make it a challenge are the drain on my time and skills and the sludge that slows the entertainment from flowing freely. Thankfully it is a small minority so long may the world of magic and entertainment continue.

Blimey!!!!

2009-07-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

Well I am exhausted after a day working outside striming and cutting and pulling up nettles and thistles and balsom. We still have not finished but it looks better. The trouble with living with nature is that nature never gives in so you are always playing catch up.

The British summertime is as expected!!!!! Rain!! Still hot weather would be to much as well. That is the British way. No sun we complain about rain, sun and we complain about the heat!! Anyway a short blog because I am too tired to wirte more. until another day..........

Chocolate Triffle

2009-07-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

More like a mouse actually and as a triple chocolate desert it is too much chocolate. Tesco desert which offers value for money, heartburn to match!

Don't you love politicians? NO

I know I answered that question for you but they really are a shambles at times. having said that I think we have the best MP's money can buy!! They confuse us with everything they do. At the moment it's Swine Flu. Do you get pregnant now? Well that is up to you of course but if you do I have some helpful advice.

Don't do it in a public place because you will run the risk of contracting Swine Flu not just a baby. Once you are pregnant then stay at home and get others to go out for you. So for instance, shopping, let some one go out and do the shopping but make sure it is all small items that will fit through the letter box. I.e. sausages, slices of ham, take the bread out of packets and feed them one slice or maybe two (subject to the thickness) through the letterbox, Milk will be a problem, I suggest buying those small sachets you get in cafés. Don't even bother with juices unless they are in those yoghurt strip things. Butter I would recommend being spread on the bread as it is placed through the letterbox. I am sure you get the picture.

Then there is the economy. MMM! The Tory's want to set up a new committee to regulate the way banks operate, is that not the FSA,? It does however, tell us exactly how inadequate the FSA is though. I suppose a new authority would be stronger, more robust, have more clout to act................wouldn't it? I see a refurb not a rethink. At least they are trying to do something though, unlike the Labour Government at the moment who seem to have gone extremely quiet even though all around them there are experts saying the end is nigh!! Not the end of the gloom, the end of the world. Who do we listen to?

I think I will get pregnant and stay at home.......if I still have one!!

Barmy Army

2009-07-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

No it's not Afghanistan or Iraq it's Lords. We beat the Aussies in the second test. 75 years to wait but we did it. How can so much be made of it. I know the Aussies and cricket are a red rag to a Bull but come on.....get a grip. Second test of five and the Ashes has only just started. Calm down missus. There's so long to go.

We have friends over for dinner today and my daughter has a job interview. I really hope she goes well in the interview...Good Luck Pops!!

Being a Monday I wondered if the week would start with renewed vigour and optimism and do you know what? I think there is an air about it. Can not put my finger on it but I think chasing things this week might just bring positive results. I hope my bank manager is Reading this blog!!!!!!!!! Perhaps the thought of positive outcomes will be enough for now? Planted some leeks this morning, no I did not go around making holes in water butts or pipes, I mean the vegetable.

Peculiar things to plant. You take a pencil or similar sized tool and make a hole in the earth. Then you snip the roots and trim the top of the plant and just place it in the hole. The water and subsequent time and nature fills the hole and allows the plant to grow. We had a few last year and they were very nice if a little small. This year we hope for bigger..........leeks that is!!

This morning at 6.00am I was letting the chickens out and there was the most beautiful blue sky and an early morning dampness all over the field. It was a gorgeous sight and on mornings like that there is no better place than the English Countryside. Well this is all for now but I may be back after the meal so watch this space.

Sunday Sunday

2009-07-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

Well another so called weekend comes to an end. What will the new week bring. I have a friend who says think positive thoughts and positive things will happen. Well, here goes.

I perform comedy and so I want to make people laugh. I love to make people laugh. Every now and again it is more than a strain to do so, so forgive me for the deeper moods. Then again I am sitting in my lounge writing this blog wile Casualty 1909 is on and it is filled with death, doom and gloom. Give me a break.............

I drove past Eddie Izzard today as he was jogging. A surreal moment as it was in the Sussex Countryside and it was the last place I expected to see him. He looked determined and fit. Well I am about done, not much for today but I want to raise my game for the week ahead.

Stuff

2009-07-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know that weekends are any different to week days in present times. Shops remain open and people work as if it were a normal day. Sad, because the pace of life is frenetic enough and weekends should be a time to chill, family days.

I know times are tough and we are all suffering the consequences of a world recession and a labour government but if weekends were declared days of rest then perhaps we could take a breath and try to relax. Pie in the sky maybe but I really think we all need time to take our minds from things. When times were good I would never have a weekend as I was always working Saturdays and Sundays but as things have taken a grip I find Saturdays or Sundays become free and yet all around me still feels like a working weekday!!

I know that is a contradiction in terms saying on the one hand take weekends as time off, when I was and still do work them as well but being self employed I used to take days in the week as my weekends. This meant I was still trying to employ the ideal of relaxing even if it was not a Saturday or Sunday. I also know that every penny counts at the moment but if all we do is push and push then life will be shorter and the quality of this short life non-existent.

I, like every one, hopes that the recession stars to turn and we can all start to get back on an even keel but until it does let's try to make everyday count and make it count not just by working but as a chance to get some of that quality back in to our lives.

Hard Times TGF

2009-07-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

I started the day bt taking my daughter to a job interview in Surrey. I do feel sorry for the graduates out there. They do work hard to get their degrees and at the end of it there are no jobs. I hope they do get their just rewards.

Listening to the radio and I do like Radio2, I do sometimes get fed up with Jeremy Vine. He has a good current affairs/consumer programme which often has usuful and interesting topics. The downside is that he does sometimes like the sound of his own voice...............break it up more often with some music Jeza, let us gather our thoughts and not have to listen for ever to your voice!!! Less is more!!

Motorways, what's the point. Look at the title, "Motor Ways," that implies to me ways that motors travel or go. Well on the M25 this morning, car park, M3, car park. Where's the go???? What's with variable speed limits? They're having a laugh, the traffic only goes two speeds anyway and one of them is stationary. What's the answer then I hear you cry.......well I will tell you, Stay at home!! Spike Milligan once gave his remedy for sea sickness, he said, "Sit under a tree." Same applies.

I will add more today because it is one of those Fridays........middle of summer and it's raining and feels like an Autumn day. It's dark, damp and neaer to Christmas than it is from it. If that makes sense?

Good Start

2009-07-16T01:31:00.001-07:00

Well Thursday 16th July has produced an order for my book, "The Secrets Of Entertaining Children" which came in last night from Amazon.

It is always satisfying to know some one will be reading your work some where in the world. I checked on my sales rankings and having started on 1.4 million or something I have reached the heady heights of 336,0000 which in the great scheme of things is a fantastic leap up the charts. Look out J.K. I am on my way!!!!!!!!

I have a show today for an end of term school celebration. I am never sure who celebrates more, the children or the teachers!!!! I think deep down it's the teachers, I mean who wants seven weeks holiday without children?? I applaud all teachers, you do a brilliant job in troubled times. I know it is different from when I went to school, blimey, I sound like an old man but it is a tougher job today.

Having said that I still think that I should teach. I love performing and the buzz but when ever I am in a school I feel that I have more to give.................left to children probably my mind.

Life

2009-07-15T05:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a call from an old client who has booked me in past years on many occasions for their children's party's. I have or had entertainend thier children since they were around 4 years old and the last time I did anything for them was probably nine years ago for their son.

Well, last night the dad rang me and asked if I would perform some Close Up magic for their daughters birthday celebrations prior to her going into town with her friends. I said of course but could not remember how old she was. When he told me 21 years old I could not beleive it. Having seen her last when she was about 11 or 12 it was a real shcok to the system let alone the the ageometer.

30 21 year old's fresh from uni but also a young lady who was now a gorgeous young woman about to start her 4th year at uni. It makes you feel old!! It also makes you realise how quickly time flys doing a job you love. I suppose I take from this a moment in time that says, enjoy what you do because your life will run away from you easier than you think and in the blink of an eye the years will became an age. So do something you love doing and make the most of it everyday.

Tuesday Already

2009-07-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

Well I believe start a day as you mean to go on. Yeh right. I got up, that was the first triumph of the day. Staggered out to the chikens and sheep in dressing gown. Why they wear them I don't know? Picture the scene. Pleasant warm morning, 7.00am, standing in muck boots and dressig gown feeding chickens and giving sheep a few nuts.......sheep nuts that is!!

Then hanging out the washing all before 7.30am. A days work done. I have even had a hair cut this morning. Can a hair cut change your luck, I hope so because for the first time in ages I purchased a lotto ticket. I did six of my own numbers and then six lucky dip. I could not beleive it when the six lucky dips were within one of each of my numbers on at least four of the numbers. Is it an omen?

You will know by the end of the week because I want bother writing this again for a while as I will be away..............

Cahsing work now, does anybody out there need am hilarious comedy magician? All offers considered!!!

Oh well more later.

Monday

2009-07-13T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well the start of another week has started and nearly finished. Got to say that the news is the most depressing thing to hear or read. I know that good news does not sell but surely life would be better if now and again we shared good things aound the world?

Still at least I might be able to work beyond 65 so I have much more to look forward to than just today and tomorrow. Just how many openings will there be at DIY stores when I reach the age when I can work there instead of any other job. It will be a good job for the older person as at least I will have a name badge which means I won't have the problem of remembering who I am!!!

I heard yesterday that swearing can be good for you!!!!!! B*****cks......Actually....no, I still feel the same. They say, whoever they are? That if we swear it can be a pain reliever. Well tomorrow I am going to try it out. If I experience pain I am going to swear like F. and see if it works. I just hope it's not in Tesco or the bank!!!!!! Oh well monday draws to a close, lets see what Tuesday brings.

Back To Normal

2009-07-13T06:42:00.001-07:00

It does not take time to get back to normal does it? Monday brings the trip to the bank, then the Post Office to post a book to the States, (International Author that I am!!) and one to Amazon. Then an exciting trot round Homebase to pick up some paint so that my wife can paint a rocking chair and an ottoman. All this was finished by a push round Tescos.

At least we had a nice Tiger Loaf for lunch. Can not understand why supermarkets are so popular. seems like a good business to try. I wonder if there are any ex Woolworth stores where I could start one?

Oh well the afternoon beckons, I might take the starter motor off the 4x4........more later.

The Last Cruise

2009-07-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

As a regular performer on leading cruise lines I thought I would share with you my report on the last cruise I did. It was an interesting cruise with no names and no packdrill...enjoy.......

We arrived home yesterday lunch time after what can be described as an eventful week. I thought cruise ships moved all the time but you learn something new everyday. To be held captive by the same people who you pay to take you away makes logical sense I suppose but next time I think we should read the small print!!!!

I am not sure we are welcome back too soon to the wonderful town of Invergordon but I hope that we can again soon return to their fantastic Somerfield supermarket and deserted streets and look on at the teenage mums pushing the next generation of hopeless futures. Unfortunately the Museum will be off limits for a while as one or two passengers were a little sick inside and it had to be closed. Still never mind it should be open in time for the rush next..........well when the next ship turns up. In Invergordon they have some fantastic graffiti which they call murals. Isn't it funny how the Scottish language can change a simple meaning in a common language? Still the ambulances are very similar to those in England, as are the air ambulances and the police cars so that was a reassuring sight. It was so nice of the emergency services to put on an impromptu display for us; they kept us entertained for four days, that's not easy with the mood of the passengers. I particularly liked the fact that they contacted the national television to film the displays, I did not see Simon Cowell but who knows, maybe one of his representatives was present but hidden in a bush on shore. Come to think of it there were several dodgy looking characters with huge cameras which I thought strange for a town with eight cars, two supermarkets, a betting shop, large job centre and a library off limits together with a museum run on similar opening hours.
The ship was comfy, if a little damp in places, but due to the calm of being tied to the pier-side we did not have to contend with any sea sickness!! That could just ruin someone’s holiday. The uniforms of the crew were a little unusual; I have never seen them wear masks and hooded jump suits before, well not in the dining room anyway. I don't have a latex fetish but having been handed so many things by young ladies in latex gloves I think I might look up a few web sites and investigate it further. I also liked the fact that your cabin was hoovered and then steam cleaned together with your walls, curtains and bed linen. That is a nice touch although we could not see for a few hours after they cleaned as the windows were steamed up. Still we were able to get messages to the outside world written in the condensation, like, HELP and SOS. We did clear a big circle in the centre of the window to look out but from the outside it looked a little like a black spot, so we were asked to remove it by a gentleman wearing a space suit.

The tea and coffee self service fight arena as we affectionately called it was off limits to self-serving although a lovely young man did hand you what you wanted so at least passengers were not deprived of hot beverages for more than a few minutes. Well, I say a few minutes but sometimes you had to queue from 7 in the morning to get a coffee by lunchtime. Then it did not matter too much as you could get down to the dining room and queue for another hour to be seated there. I love the British tradition of queuing, we lead the world on that pastime. Queuing also allows you to meet other passengers and shake their hands and talk face to face in confined spaces. That is good as it does keep the risk of infection restricted doesn't it? It was unfortunate that the buffet self-service restaurant had to be closed as it meant 770 passengers had to share the 300-seater restaurant. Still I liked sitting on warm seats and it was nice to get some of the left-over offerings from previous diners. Did you know that bread crumbs stick to your wrists undetected for hours. There were, what looked like, some funny looking skin complaints for a while until we discovered it was just bread crumbs. Imagine the panic, a separate outbreak of skin reactions, oh how we laughed!!

The food was actually very well organised and sometimes we got through breakfast in under 3 hours so we were able to enjoy the afternoons at least. Well not all the afternoons as part was spent queuing for lunch and dinner. But I have to say I feel I got to know the restaurant very well. When we did get up to the main deck then what a treat. The lounges were full of seats, all occupied but we could sit outside if that happened. In the moderate temperatures of Scotland that was not too bad as they supplied blankets and thermal socks. The only problem we did find was that the queue for the tea and coffee did get in the way as it wound around the tables and chairs. Still, I did start singing the conga once and that did seem to clear it for a while at least. There were other decks with sun beds. These were tied up due to the rain but the look of them seemed quite appealing and we looked forward to the prospect of using them at some stage.

We could have joined the walk a mile a day club but it would be just the two of us so we gave it a miss. Apparently there are normally up to 10 people who do walk but they were unable to actually get any further than their cabin doors. There was the Gym of course. Fully equipped, with thousands of pounds of equipment, from running machines to weights and various other items of modern day torture. That, funny enough, was empty but we did not have the energy to use any of it sadly due to the weakness of queuing all day.

The evening entertainment was very good. Lots of shows and of course yours truly. The singers and dancers did a great job under slippery floors and the band was always able to play the show tunes with or without a full compliment. The odd solo was silent if the particular band member was not there but other than that they were very good. One show was called "Around The World", how we dreamed. We were just hoping for around Britain!!!!!!!!!

Overall it was a slow week, Alison was able to relax for 48 hours in the cabin uninterrupted by anyone including doctors. It was nice of them to give her some quiet time. They might call it quiet time but I could hardly hear the television over her moaning in the bathroom. I had to turn the volume up full at times to drown her out. Our bathroom had an unusual flush system. Once you had used it you had to push the button and wait for 30 minutes while the cistern filled and then you had to pump the button on the wall for ten minutes to get the flow going. It was a minor work out for me as Alison refused to walk upright around the cabin as if the ceiling were low. I don't know why she crawled everywhere for those few days. I'll never fully understand women.

The walls of the cabins are a little thin. We were able to hear what was being said in the cabins either side. I think they must have been foreign as I could not understand much. Some sounded like Alison in the bathroom but it may just have been distorted by the walls. I know at least one side was religious as I distinctly heard them shout "OH God," a few times in their Bathroom. I guess that was the nearest to a shrine?

The ship did provide a few meals in the cabins while Alison was resting. The breakfast was a little difficult to swallow, it may have been a Scottish tradition but I like milk on my corn flakes and at the minimum in my porridge. There was some advice that dairy products are bad for you if you are feeling under the weather. I don't know as I am not a doctor but with the amount of illness already, would milk have been too much of a problem? The lunch was interesting. Plain boiled unseasoned tasteless potatoes with a strange green sludge later to be called a vegetable puree. That was a relief as it would have been easy to get trolleys mixed up downstairs with all the confusion.

Well the cruise soon came to an end, good things must I suppose. The police and suited men who looked very red faced at times said that providing we allowed a minor hospital staff to travel down with us we could go back to London. Those Scots will do anything for a free trip. Anyway they must have said yes because we left that night and sailed back. A lone Scottish Piper piped us off with his bagpipes. Only the one piper due to the risk of them contracting something but what about our ears and the bagpipes, no consideration there. He played us off with Scotland The Brave. Brave, he was shore-side we were the ones in danger!!

Initially the 10 foot waves were a concern but as soon as people laid down on the floor they seemed to feel better. I thought that some people took the lying down too
far with no thought to where they were laying. I find it quite annoying to have to step over people in corridors and surely it is dangerous? The next day at sea and the sun shone. We finally got to use the sun beds and as many people decided to stay in their cabins there was quite a lot of room on the decks. We arrived in London around 9 in the morning and we were allowed to get off by midday.It was nice to be met by so many people some with cameras but at least none with masks.